Gary and Mary Ann first met in typing class over 50 years ago after Mary Ann moved to Gary’s hometown of Mountain Iron. Mary Ann caught Gary’s eye straightaway: “I thought to myself, ‘Who is this cute girl down the aisle?’” Three months later, he mustered up the courage to ask her to accompany him to the homecoming dance. From the beginning, Mary Ann noted Gary’s kind, strong character: “Even then, I knew I wouldn’t spend time with someone who wasn’t a good person; he stood apart from the rest that way.”  

The two high school sweethearts fell in love and maintained a long-distance relationship through their college years apart. Shortly after graduation, they were married and moved to the Twin Cities to begin their new life together. Parenthood was a dream for both Gary and Mary Ann; they always knew they wanted to welcome children into their family right away. Two years into married life, they were delighted to find they were expecting a baby. “I remember standing in Annamarie’s room, looking at her crib and just dreaming about what this little one would be like, of who she would become,” reminisces Mary Ann. However, their plans weren’t exactly what God had in store. “In a special way, His plans were bigger,” says Mary Ann.

On March 17, 1980, Mary Ann went into labor. The hours were long and arduous, and as the night turned to early morning, things quickly began to deteriorate. Their new little girl, Annamarie, suffered a severe lack of oxygen, sending her into distress before she was ultimately delivered by emergency cesarean section at 3 a.m.  

Due to the urgent nature of the procedure, Gary was not permitted in the operating room and waited outside for the news of his beloved wife and new daughter. After the delivery, the doctor, a Catholic himself, met Gary in the hall, urging him to pray a rosary for his new little girl. “They didn’t know the extent of her injuries, or if she would even make it through the night,” Gary recalls.  

In the days and weeks that followed, Gary and Mary Ann began to navigate the challenging waters of new parenthood with the additional difficulties of a cerebral palsy diagnosis. 

Despite the immense challenges of this new and unexpected cross, they concede that they never once thought about how this diagnosis would change their own lives: “Our only sadness during that time was for Anna in her suffering,” they both agree. 

While the extent of Annamarie’s injuries was not certain in these early days, the two warmly recall the pervasive sense of hope that carried them through the demands of this season: “How gentle of the Lord to lead us in this way, so gradually and with such tenderness,” they reflect.  

After two weeks in the pediatric intensive care unit, Annamarie came home and “the real fun began!” Gary recalls, grinning.

Their lives soon became a litany of appointments and therapies for Annamarie. The sacrifices required were numerous and great, and yet, those who know the Pagliaccettis always note — their words laced with wonder — at the way in which this family embraced their limitations with such grace: “It’s as if big sacrifices are not big to them,” says family friend Naomi Ringhand.  

 “People always ask me how we do it,” says Mary Ann, “but we just do what anyone would do.” Gary adds, “The joy, the life, the gift that Annamarie is in our lives is not measurable. We may have to do everything for her, but what people don’t understand is just how much she gives us.”  

In a world that constantly measures the value of a person by his or her contribution to it, the Pagliaccetti family stands in radiant opposition, as Annamarie’s life bears witness to a beloved-ness that is not earned or strived for, simply received.  

Gary and Mary Ann’s delight in their daughter is evident in their every interaction with her, from the way her mother so tenderly wipes her face again and again, to the steadfast patience of her father who is the only one able to lift her from her bed to her wheelchair to the couch each day. 

Beauty in Sacrificial Love

Gary and Mary Ann’s sacrificial love was especially striking to one young man in the midst of his discernment of marriage. Bret and Michelle Hacker were dating in their early 20s when the Pagliaccettis invited them over for dinner. After the evening came to a close, Bret, not yet Catholic, reflected to his then girlfriend Michelle: “If having a child with medical needs causes a family to be that compassionate and loving, I would actually want that for my family one day, too.” Michelle adds, “No parent wants their child to suffer, of course,” but the beauty of the Pagliaccettis’ sacrifice captivated this young couple in an unforgettable way, as they recall the story nearly two decades later. In this way, the radiance of love shone through all the clear difficulties and demands of Gary and Mary Ann’s life, revealing afresh the way of the cross as the way of love.  

Kathy Marcella, friend and neighbor of the Pagliaccettis, remarks on the joy that it was to watch their family embrace the invitation Annamarie’s life offered them. “Nicole and Allison, Annamarie’s two sisters, loved that girl more than anything in the world. They may have never gotten to all go on a family vacation or even just have their parents to themselves for a night, but you never once heard them complain. They were always so grateful for all that the Lord had blessed them with.”

While the family rarely seem to consider the depth of their own sacrifices, no sacrifice or suffering of Annamarie’s goes unnoticed. “I think just how many times a day I scratch my ear or brush my nose, and how she can never do that. We do all that we can for her, but we can never know just how she’s feeling, and I can only imagine how much she suffers without anyone knowing about it,” says Gary. Mary Ann echoes his sentiment and says that while Annamarie may not be able to offer her suffering for others, she does on Annamarie’s behalf.  

The only life Annamarie has ever known is one where she is continually met with delight, where her needs are seen in kindness and fulfilled in joy. Through their steadfast love, Gary and Mary Ann have crafted for their daughter a life of jubilation, a lens of love.  

While the Pagliaccettis’ life is seemingly simple and small — consisting of walks through the neighborhood, family dinners, laughter over inside jokes, no extraordinary travel or spontaneous adventures — their witness of love in their community is anything but.  

Having a child with disabilities is, undoubtedly, not the life Gary and Mary Ann envisioned for their family all those years ago. But rather than resist the invitation God offered them, they embraced it wholeheartedly. Setting aside their questions and their doubts, they echoed the prevailing words of Our Blessed Mother at the Annunciation when she said: “Let it be done unto me according to your word.”

For God’s ways are not ours, and while we may never understand all that He is about, we know our trust in Him is never misplaced. For He will never fall short, never fail to fulfill His promises to us. He is good in all things, in each season, under every suffering and sky. The Pagliaccettis’ life bears witness to the fire of love that burns away all that is not of Him; only pure joy remains.